Wednesday morning

Today I realized that someone had already done the research I wanted to do long-term. How is it that someone already thought about masculinities, queerness, coming out and the structural implementation of advising at institutions of higher education already? At first, I was frazzled (in fact, this person also states in his book that a similar event happened to him). Then, I realized that I wanted to approach this type of research less as a practitioner and mores as a historian interested in queer theory. And I thought to myself: "That's probably just because you've yet to have the opportunity to be a practioner yourself." And then I realized that I was somehow succumbing to the grand narrative of the academe: striving for new thought, restless by a fictitious quest for "new" knowledge. In fact I should be celebrating that someone who is my senior is already making leaps and bounds in the very field I want to enter. It can only be something positive. The ground is fertile to continue a conversation. This is exciting.